As most Catholics are aware, it is traditional during the Lent season (the 40 days prior to Easter) to try to cleanse ourselves of sinful habits we have formed, particularly one that is most bothering us. All Catholics have such habits of course, even the most highly devout - even saints had sinful habits they had to work on. It is apart of being human; we all require salvation. And through admitting our faults and proceeding to work on them, we build our character and virtue, as well as our connection with God, one another, and ourselves in love.
I did not come to the Church from birth. I became Catholic through RCIA. Before that, though I did have some conscience taught to me by my parents, I had no religion; I lived as I wished, and was largely unrestricted. During this time, I was also primarily atheistic. I developed many sinful habits over that period that deeply wounded me and still haunt me now, that I must work on daily - things I am ashamed of, both visible and secret sins, and that I must continuously pray for God's help to get through and unlearn. I am still trying to find the best method to train the mind to forget these habits and replace them with virtuous living, and I pray everyday that I will be able to work through them and that anyone else dealing with such things - as all people do - may work through their sinful habits as well.
As an ongoing work, and as an opportunity to intensify my effort, I am trying to use this Lent season to purify myself of these sinful habits, erroneous mindsets and lifestyles that I have established. It is incredibly difficult, and requires constant diligence and force of will to overcome. By God's help, I feel I am making progress. But it invovles confronting my problems directly, face-to-face, not making a mistake and ignoring or avoiding it but facing it - otherwise, I will never understand my problems, and thus can never overcome them. This is particularly difficult, as these confrontations sometimes cause me to be deeply depressed or angry and sometimes lose sight of God. But once I have contemplated my problem, understood it, I then not only return to God fully, but in a deeper way, with a clean heart. As Christ said, "The pure of heart shall see God," and as John Henry Newman taught, our faith and character are strengthened when we face our doubts and habits, and overcome them. I attempt to follow this as best I can, with the prayerful guidance and aid of God and the saints.
In RCIA, I actually looked forward to being able to utilize the Sacraments and the direct spirituality they grant to repair my sinful habits. During RCIA, I realized what I did was wrong, but often lacked the spiritual support or personal will to overcome them. But since I have been fully in the Church, I feel the Holy Spirit's guiding hand in my life, aiding me with my prayers and intentions to be better, and I adore the cleansing, healing power of the Sacraments as the Body of Christ nourishes my body that is filled with the wounds of sin, and the water of my Baptism and fire of my Confirmation cleanse me of my habits. Many talk about this process as immoral, too difficult or undesirable, as a reason for them to not be Catholic. But to me, I longed for the chance to be rid of my sinful habits while in RCIA, and am deeply happy with the chance to literally pursue this desire as a full member of the Body of Christ.
I offer up my prayers in the fullness of my spirit for all those this Lent season struggling to live through, deal with and overcome their sins and sinful habits, and I ask the wonderful, beautiful, caring and gentle Virgin Mother Mary to intercede for me.
God bless.
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