Laziness

I've noticed a trend in my life that I seem to have exhibited my entire life: laziness. I've never been willing to put forth alot of effort or work, even when it was crucial to my life. When pushed, I can do good work; I actually learn very quickly. But I'm not usually willing to do things I don't enjoy. Math, for example. I'm impatient, another facet of laziness. I want to be a great writer, without study or practice. I want to be a musician, without learning how to play an instrument. I want to go to college, without studying for or taking the entrance exams. I want to be a psychologist without studying it. I want to do things and instantly be good at them and recognized for it, while people who don't live in my lazy, impatient self-delusion have to work for years to earn those careers.

I believe I have talents, and have the capacity to do good things with them. But if I can't get past this laziness, this impatience that seems very childish, I will never do anything. It saddens me that I want to do things and feel I would be good at them, but can't and must do things I hate in order to become good at the things I enjoy, and do them for a living. But that is life, and my complaint is something everyone has to live with everyday. Honestly, I'm thankful to God that I do have at least a faint idea of my talents and desires and some capacity to live them, where most people in the world never have either, and everyone else must struggle, as I must. Some don't even live long enough to try.

Some people idolize and even divinize work, viewing even the most meaningless labor as spiritually good. While that can be true, the spiritual is above all. With the right intentions and goals, I think work can be very good for a person. Persistent, difficult work, doing things you don't enjoy in hope of an outcome you desire, I think can be good, as long as one remains humble and thankful to God. Often, this kind of work can make the person arrogant, thinking they earned the outcome purely by their own effort - which is of course silly. Without God's providence of health, opportunity, assistance, and everything else, no one could do anything. So spiritual things must be the highest priority. But as many Christians recognize, especially the monastic orders like the Benedictines, work can be good. Hopefully I can learn this and keep it in mind in the struggles of my life to come.

Christ and the "Beloved Disciple" of John's Gospel

In the Gospel According to St. John, he frequently uses a term for an apostle who is only called by it throughout the memoir: the beloved disciple, the disciple who Christ loved, or a similar form. Christian Tradition has always held this disciple to be St. John himself, but a definitive explanation for his usage of the phrase has never been given, only many alternatives.

While attending Good Friday Mass, the reading included the account of Christ's Passion as recorded in St. John's Gospel. In it, Christ says to his mother Mary, while indicating the beloved disciple, "Dear woman, here is your son," and to the disciple directly, He said, "here is your mother." (John 19:26-27) By this pronouncement, He was not only putting Mary in St. John's care, and vise versa. The Church has always taught that He was indicating Mary as the mother of all by that designation, not just John. And I believe that John's use of the simple term disciple rather than his own name is textual proof of this.

Why did John substitute beloved disciple for his own name? Everyone who follows Christ, through faith and deed, is His disciple; the apostles were disciples, but Jesus had many disciples other than the apostles, just as many in the Old Testament were Israeli without being the head of one of the Twelve Tribes, and just as a diocese has one bishop but many members. Furthermore, John did not say, "the disciple who Jesus loved especially," or "more than the others"; he simply wrote, "the disciple whom Jesus loved." Well, Christ loves all of His disciples, so giving it that adjective definition was not enough to distinguish the identity of the mysterious disciple - by all appearances.

In fact, I believe that John specifically used not only the generic term "disciple" rather than his own name intentionally, but that he also said "loved" or "beloved", rather than a more qualitative adjective like "most loved", on purpose as well. All Christians are beloved disciples of Christ. God loves all, but by a Christian's voluntary obedience to and love of Christ, sealed by baptism, we become His disciples, and he loves us all equally and completely.

Thus, I believe that St. John used the term "beloved disciple" throughout his Gospel to give a character in the factual narrative that everyone could relate to personally, and also as a model of a good disciple - which the indicated disciple himself, John, certainly was. Now, for all readers of John's Gospel, we have someone to live through vicariously, to put ourselves in the place of and truly live the Gospel.

Modern Philosophy

In modern times, the majority of Western people's worldview is based on, or influenced by, a philosophy of modernism deriving from the thought of different philosophers and movements begun in the Renaissance, primarily with the philosopher Francis Bacon, and developed over time with philosophers such as Kant, Nietzsche, Karl Popper, and many others. They began and developed a worldview founded in a sense of atheism - or, rather, a type of humanism, replacing God with man. Though some early modernist philosophers had some form of belief in God, as Galileo and the American Founding Fathers did, it was still a worldview centered on man, with God as a removed entity - i.e., deism, with God being detached from the world and simply establishing its fundamental scientific reality. Gradually, the philosophy of modernism has become increasingly humanistic in the sense I have defined, relegating God to the point of non-existence.

In the Renaissance, several changes occurred that inspired this philosophical change from the scholastic Catholic worldview of the Middle Ages, which was based primarily on ancient Greek and Roman philosophy in combination with Christian faith. As the Black Plague ended, commerce grew heavily, with merchants even replacing nobles as the leaders of nations. This increase in money created a mindset focused on man and nature, rather than God. Art expressed this philosophical change, and the beginning of modern science, politics and economics drove it. Another development of the Renaissance, the Protestant Reformation, though not usually thought of as a Renaissance-inspired movement indeed was. The Reformation was inspired by a sense of nationalism and rebellion against religious authority, best expressed by Luther and Anglicanism, as well as a puritanist moralism expressed by Calvin that also contributed to future modernistic philosophies.

Over time, the puritan moralism evolved into the "problem of evil", which atheists used and continue to use to dispute God's existence by citing the existence of evil, imperfection and suffering in the world that God does not repair instantaneously as evidence of His impotence and/or lack of benevolance, and thus nonexistence. They also believed that due to the many evils Christian individuals had done over the centuries, it was morally "better" for a society to lack religious belief, again another philosophy of modernism that lives strongly today. Early on, beginning with Bacon, modernist philosophers believed that humanity has the inherent capacity and in a sense destiny for success in all his endeavors. Different thinkers proposed different methods for the realization of this success. Bacon believed science would certainly bring about a perfect world if we would only hope in human scientific progress, placing our faith in it rather than God. And, political philosophers, from Machiavelli to the Communist theorists, believed that through the removal of economic and political "tyrannies" such as class structure, people would automatically be good and motivated towards success, thus denying the free will of man to choose good or evil regardless of his situation. This removal of God and objective morality led to the horrors of 20th century Communist and Fascist regimes.

Though Communism was mostly defeated, modernist philosophy made another development based in previous philosophy but coming to fruition in the 1960s. People took on a worldview based on dualistic concepts of tyrants and victims, oppression and freedom, conservativism and liberalism, religion and atheist self-centered hedonistic spirituality. In that philosophy, most people are victims of some oppressive, tyrannical force, such as religion, business, government, etc., and to be free one must rebel against those forces, and must soothe the pain of their victimization by hedonistic, liberal pleasure-seeking of whatever urge one feels, all such acts "justified" because one is a victim. For example, because of this "tyranny", the "victim" should smoke marijuana, have random sex, get an abortion, abandon their religion and sing/listen to protest songs to be free and soothe their victim wounds. This "hippie" philosophy, combined with the earlier modernist concepts of scientific progress, human will determinism based on life conditions, and the tyrannical nature of religion and objective morality form the general philosophy and worldview of modern people.

Modernist philosophy is mistaken in many ways, and its erroneous nature has been displayed by the evils and fallacies in its implementation. God is Love, Justice, Goodness. Without God, none of these things can exist, and the only reason humans are capable of realizing them and adhering to them is because of God's existence. These traits are the highest spiritual virtues and thus constitute the highest spiritual entity, God. Without God, these things would not exist, and so when God was removed from people's lives, they were left to themselves, and though their conscience and reason kept them from (usually) becoming too far gone for any semblance of goodness, they committed horrific acts in the name of their "progressive" philosophy, and are continuing to do so today with atrocities such as legalized abortion, the death penalty, widespread drug use and pornography, taking away all dignity and even life from the human person and life itself. This will only continue to spiral downwards, and though the Church is a voice "of one crying in the wilderness" (Matthew 3:3), diligently and lovingly proclaiming the hope (the only real hope) of the Gospel to the world, it is the reponsibility of individuals to choose to follow it. We can only pray that they will come to know the love of God.

(Though mostly my own work, I also learned much of this from Pope Benedict XVI's wonderful encyclical, Spe Salvi.)

The Psychology of Sin

The human body, mind and soul are all deeply interconnected. Every change of one affects the other in some way, often not immediately perceptible, but crucial nonetheless. When we make decisions, experience events in life, come to a deeper spiritual connection to God, and all the other intricacies of human life, an imprint is left on all three of these attributes of the human person and affect us for the rest of our lives, even if we do not necessarily see it.

Humans also have the capacity to commit sins, that is, to "miss the mark". This means that when people make decisions and choices in their lives, they sometimes do not make the best choice or the one they should have; this is a sin. This morality is deeply rooted in the human soul and is intuitively known in the minds of all people, even those who philosophically deny it, or disagree on its specific cause or meaning.

Throughout our lives, we commit sins of varying degrees, and though we may be forgiven for them (by God, each other, and ourselves), this does not immediately, necessarily, remove the psychological effect of that sin on our mind. Many believe the idea of sin, or right and wrong in any mdoel, to be improper or even damaging to the human psyche, seen as a cold, mechanical judgementalism used by humans for tyranny and abuse on each other and ourselves. And yet, they still live by some type of moral standard; if nothing else, they view the right and wrong system itself as wrong.

Sin is not what many believe it to be, as I have described. It is not merely an objective moral standard, though it certainly is that; it is in essence a deeply-rooted part of human nature that we cannot ignore, and by attempting to, we only further damage ourselves. How does sin damage us, other than the "tyrannical dogmas" of salvation and damnation? It injures our mind, our psyche.

Sin is addictive; it is like a drug. In life we experience stresses of many different kinds, and we are offered sin as a means of alleviating this stress - as a Catholic, I believe this alternative option is offered by Satan, and we have a weakness to submit to his temptations because of our damaged flesh nature. This model also applies to drugs, as anyone familiar with them knows: drugs are used as a temporary perceived alleviation of stress. And at first, the addict does not see any kind of harm the drugs give, or even that he is gradually becoming addicted to them.

But as the high wears off - from sin and drugs alike - the user feels more stresses, and desires that original pleasure to alleviate it. But no future sinful action is as potent as the first, so bigger and more powerful sins - like drugs - are pursued, and we are led to do so by Satan. Over time, this addiction to sin takes its toll on our mind. This applies to all sins, but I will provide a couple examples:

When someone commits the sin of pre-marital sex, or fornication, it slightly diminishes the person's view of the dignity and individuality of the opposite gender, and sex itself. Slowly, subtly, they become nothing more than objects of pleasure for the sinner. This applies to all sexual sins, and one often leads to another: masturbation diminishes the individual's view of the value and dignity of sexuality and their own body, which then leads them to view sex with someone else and their bodies as nothing more than sources of pleasure, as he/she already views his/her own body. This can lead further, to things like pornography, alternative sexual practices, and even more violent sins like rape or even murder (which is itself often a psychologically-sexual act).

This model applies to all sins, not just sexual sins. For example, when someone hates another person, they slowly begin subjectifying that person - viewing them as nothing more than how one feels about them. They are no longer human; they have no inherent value, dignity or rights to life or personal responibility for their actions. They are simply a personal offender and deserve hatred. This evolves into other sins of many kinds, and can even lead to theft, rape, or murder.

Unfortunately, many do not see the connection between sin and the human mind - even many highly-intelligent psychologists often miss it, whether intentionally or not. Some do it for good intentions, viewing good and bad as harmful to the human mind as a philosophy. But truth must come before all, and while some moral models (or lack thereof, which is itself a moral model) may appear more ethical or compassionate, they are in fact harmful and incomplete forms of true Catholic morality. And while people follow those incomplete moral philosophies, their minds will be harmed. Their practitioners, and the victims of all psychological sin disorders, deserve deep prayer and love, as do all.

God bless.

The English Tragedy

I love England. Its culture, history, landscape, accents, character, and the myriad other great qualities it possesses. But it is deeply tragic that England has been separated from the Catholic Church, and for so long, with never a truly meaningful reason for their disunion. The English people before King Henry VIII had a long, rich heritage of inspiring Catholic faith, even up till the very end with St. Thomas More, an exemplification of their capacities for holiness. Because of their estrangement from the Catholic Church, England has slowly seen a degradation in their moral and spiritual depth as a people. Fortunately, the Anglican communion attempted to mirror the Catholic Church, which gave them a sense of dignity that has gradually degraded over time. Now, they seem to be spiraling into near-libertarianism, permitting anything and everything. But, England is not evil, and is not completely immoral. They are still generally good people, as are all humans. They still have a conscience, decent social laws and remnants of their Catholic-esque sense of dignity - these factors guide the English people to be, for the most part, good. But their free permission of so many things - which then equates to the degeneration of their interest in things like charity - is tragic, and it ultimately derives from their separation from the Catholic Church. Naturally, immortality has existed in all cultures and human arenas throughout history, even in the Catholic clergy. So England being Catholic did not and would not prevent immorality. But without a reason or motivation to be moral, both in the sense of avoiding sin and acting charitably, especially when it may cause personal suffering or loss, requires a specific spiritual motivation that England lacks. And the longer they lack it, the less moral they become, as does any nation. Europe as a whole is falling into this pit that began to be dug in the Renaissance, particularly by the Reformation. There is hope, however. As I said England, and all of Europe, still has good people in it, many of which are spiritual even if they are not Christian. And recently, a large group of Anglicans rejoined the Catholic Church, which is truly a great victory for the Church and England. We can only pray that England's inevitable pitfalls from its growing immorality can be avoided and that it can be reunited with the Church, or at least to some sense of Christian morality and spirituality. God bless.

Purifications During Lent

As most Catholics are aware, it is traditional during the Lent season (the 40 days prior to Easter) to try to cleanse ourselves of sinful habits we have formed, particularly one that is most bothering us. All Catholics have such habits of course, even the most highly devout - even saints had sinful habits they had to work on. It is apart of being human; we all require salvation. And through admitting our faults and proceeding to work on them, we build our character and virtue, as well as our connection with God, one another, and ourselves in love.

I did not come to the Church from birth. I became Catholic through RCIA. Before that, though I did have some conscience taught to me by my parents, I had no religion; I lived as I wished, and was largely unrestricted. During this time, I was also primarily atheistic. I developed many sinful habits over that period that deeply wounded me and still haunt me now, that I must work on daily - things I am ashamed of, both visible and secret sins, and that I must continuously pray for God's help to get through and unlearn. I am still trying to find the best method to train the mind to forget these habits and replace them with virtuous living, and I pray everyday that I will be able to work through them and that anyone else dealing with such things - as all people do - may work through their sinful habits as well.

As an ongoing work, and as an opportunity to intensify my effort, I am trying to use this Lent season to purify myself of these sinful habits, erroneous mindsets and lifestyles that I have established. It is incredibly difficult, and requires constant diligence and force of will to overcome. By God's help, I feel I am making progress. But it invovles confronting my problems directly, face-to-face, not making a mistake and ignoring or avoiding it but facing it - otherwise, I will never understand my problems, and thus can never overcome them. This is particularly difficult, as these confrontations sometimes cause me to be deeply depressed or angry and sometimes lose sight of God. But once I have contemplated my problem, understood it, I then not only return to God fully, but in a deeper way, with a clean heart. As Christ said, "The pure of heart shall see God," and as John Henry Newman taught, our faith and character are strengthened when we face our doubts and habits, and overcome them. I attempt to follow this as best I can, with the prayerful guidance and aid of God and the saints.

In RCIA, I actually looked forward to being able to utilize the Sacraments and the direct spirituality they grant to repair my sinful habits. During RCIA, I realized what I did was wrong, but often lacked the spiritual support or personal will to overcome them. But since I have been fully in the Church, I feel the Holy Spirit's guiding hand in my life, aiding me with my prayers and intentions to be better, and I adore the cleansing, healing power of the Sacraments as the Body of Christ nourishes my body that is filled with the wounds of sin, and the water of my Baptism and fire of my Confirmation cleanse me of my habits. Many talk about this process as immoral, too difficult or undesirable, as a reason for them to not be Catholic. But to me, I longed for the chance to be rid of my sinful habits while in RCIA, and am deeply happy with the chance to literally pursue this desire as a full member of the Body of Christ.

I offer up my prayers in the fullness of my spirit for all those this Lent season struggling to live through, deal with and overcome their sins and sinful habits, and I ask the wonderful, beautiful, caring and gentle Virgin Mother Mary to intercede for me.

God bless.